Traditional recipes

Remember This Rule and You’ll Always Know Which Fork to Use at a Fancy Dinner Party

Remember This Rule and You’ll Always Know Which Fork to Use at a Fancy Dinner Party

You’ll never embarrass yourself by using your neighbor’s fork again, as long as you follow this one rule

Which fork should be used for the appetizer, and which for the entrée?

When you sit down at a fancy dinner party and are faced with a maze of knives, forks, spoons, piles of plates, an endless river of glasses, and small talk bombarding your ears, it can be easy to panic, to start drinking from someone else’s glass, eat your neighbor’s bread roll, use your dessert spoon to spread butter, and start eating using your oyster fork to eat your steak. But honestly, fine dining shouldn’t be so stressful. Here’s how to at least get your fork usage under control at even the most formal dinner parties.

There is one simple rule you need to remember, which is key to using the correct fork at every extravagant place setting: Work from the outside in. Your place setting may look intensely complicated, but when you break it down, it’s really not so bad. Your forks will always be laid out so that you start with the one on the outside, and end with the one on the inside. Don’t stress about the size or the shape, just follow this rule, and everything will be fine.

Obviously, there is an exception. If your dinner party is supremely fancy then you may have been provided with an oyster fork. This will sit on the right side of your plate, on the far side of the knives. If oysters are being served, check to see whether there is an oyster fork sitting next to the soup spoon and the knives before you dig in.

Also, never be tempted to begin the first course with the dessert fork. Although this fork is often the smallest, and sits either closest to the dinner plate on the left, or above the dinner plate separated from the majority of the utensils, remember the “outside-in” rule. Override your instincts, and leave this small fork where it is: It’s intended for dessert, not the appetizer.

If, when the food is served, you panic and forget this supremely simple rule, or if you’re served soup first and start panicking because that obviously doesn’t require a fork, then just look to your host and copy his or her moves carefully. You can’t go wrong with this solution.


Cash bar at wedding question

We did a 90 minute cocktail hour, followed by free beer, wine on the tables, and free pop. Mixed drinks after the 90 minutes were cash bar.

It's just how it is done around here. I always know that if i am going to a wedding, I will be drinking keg beer that night b/c it's always free.

It's the same here in Central WI. Not having an open bar for the whole night is not considered tacky at all in our area.

Generally you can count on soda and beer to be free throughout the night.

Many will have an open bar before the meal and then a cash bar after the meal.

Some will have an open bar throughout the night

A few will have call drinks throughout the night, and not just rail drinks. Those are the 'fancy' weddings.

It's never on the invitation, but we know that we should bring money when going to a wedding, because we'll likely have to pay for our drinks for a portion of the evening.

Look at it this way, if I'm ever at an out of state wedding, you can come and ask me to spot you a $20 if it's a surprise cash bar.

Andtototoo

DIS Veteran

It's the same here in Central WI. Not having an open bar for the whole night is not considered tacky at all in our area.

Generally you can count on soda and beer to be free throughout the night.

Many will have an open bar before the meal and then a cash bar after the meal.

Some will have an open bar throughout the night

A few will have call drinks throughout the night, and not just rail drinks. Those are the 'fancy' weddings.

I lived in central WI for years and went to many weddings. They all had cash bars. For EVERY beverage. I never went to one wedding where soda and beer were available for free. The only free beverage was water.

I do have to say that was par for the course, however -- I never went to someone's house for a party that I wasn't told to bring my own beverages. And sometimes, my own meat and utensils for a barbeque. (I remember one time being invited to a picnic and being told that in addition to bringing myown blanket/chairs, I was also to bring my own beverages, cups and utensils. I remember it quite well because the host got quite angry with me because I brought disposable items. How dare I sully his picnic with my disposable stuff!) Most of the time, IME the host merely provides the location for a party.

Bettymae1121

DIS Veteran

The weddings I've been to have been a mix of open bar, limited open bar (free wine/beer/soft drinks only, mixed drinks guests pay for) and 100% cash bar with wine served at the dinner table. My own wedding was an open bar, but the cost for it (when compared to the total cost of the reception) wasn't a huge deal so we included it.

In any case, I go to weddings assuming it will be a cash bar, and if it turns out to be an open bar, hey all the better!

To answer the OP's question, if a cash bar is not the norm in your area, then yes I'd make a note on the reception card. I personally don't think a cash bar is tacky, but if it is considered tacky to have a cash bar, I think it's even MORE tacky not to let people know so they can plan ahead.

DIS Veteran<br><font color=teal>Needs to lay off t

What's all the fuss about booze at a reception anyway? If a person can't go a few hours without a drink, he/she must have a serious alcohol problem. I feel sorry for anyone who can't enjoy an evening out with friends and family without alcohol.


OK, not really, but I just thought I'd say it before someone else did. because you know it's only a matter of time

The Mystery Machine

Sunrise at my house. :+)

BadgerGirl84

I used to have a tag.

It's the same here in Central WI. Not having an open bar for the whole night is not considered tacky at all in our area.

Generally you can count on soda and beer to be free throughout the night.

Many will have an open bar before the meal and then a cash bar after the meal.

Some will have an open bar throughout the night

A few will have call drinks throughout the night, and not just rail drinks. Those are the 'fancy' weddings.

It's never on the invitation, but we know that we should bring money when going to a wedding, because we'll likely have to pay for our drinks for a portion of the evening.

Look at it this way, if I'm ever at an out of state wedding, you can come and ask me to spot you a $20 if it's a surprise cash bar.

Ditto. My experience as well living in Wisconsin.

I was thinking about my previous response earlier and I think that the OP should try to get the word out as much as possible that it's a cash bar, as it is not the norm in their area. I would also recommend trying to save elsewhere in the budget (cake, decor, etc.) to provide some type of alcohol as complimentary, even if it's only beer or a signature cocktail or even if it's only for a certain period of time. A cash bar IF IT'S NOT THE NORM IN YOUR AREA might rub people the wrong way.

Cornflake

DIS Veteran

I lived in central WI for years and went to many weddings. They all had cash bars. For EVERY beverage. I never went to one wedding where soda and beer were available for free. The only free beverage was water.

I do have to say that was par for the course, however -- I never went to someone's house for a party that I wasn't told to bring my own beverages. And sometimes, my own meat and utensils for a barbeque. (I remember one time being invited to a picnic and being told that in addition to bringing myown blanket/chairs, I was also to bring my own beverages, cups and utensils. I remember it quite well because the host got quite angry with me because I brought disposable items. How dare I sully his picnic with my disposable stuff!) Most of the time, IME the host merely provides the location for a party.

Where do you live, the land that kindergarten forgot? Some kind of OCD quarantine area? A facility for the terminally unsharing? That's just so far beyond. bring your own fancy booze to the party, maybe. Bring your own water? Bring your own soda? Bring your own chair?! Bring your own FORK?!

How is this a party? It's like refugees, gathering on someone's lawn.

DIS Veteran<br><font color=teal>Needs to lay off t

FireDancer

DIS Veteran

Really? I've been to parties where everyone was asked to bring a side but usually those are things like our end of year softball party or an annual Christmas dinner some friends and I have. In those situation the person hosting the party isn't really throwing it,they are just providing their house.

I also understand occasionally bringing some beer for a picnic or bonfire out of courtesy but I've never once been asked to bring my main course or non-alcoholic beverages.

Crjack

DIS Veteran

It definitely doesnt get any more expensive than NYC so I have always been surprised to see that open bar is the norm for that area.

I know previous threads on typical gifts (especially cash gifts and "covering the plate" posts) have always astounded some people so you really see some regional variances with wedding traditions.

I cant even imagine what the cost is for open bar at a typical hotel function room for say four hours with 150-200 guests but that leads into the size of a typical wedding, etc. which is filled with more differences!

For the poor couple getting married eloping is probably sounding pretty good right now!

Jrmasm

Last time I checked, it was still

What's all the fuss about booze at a reception anyway? If a person can't go a few hours without a drink, he/she must have a serious alcohol problem. I feel sorry for anyone who can't enjoy an evening out with friends and family without alcohol.


OK, not really, but I just thought I'd say it before someone else did. because you know it's only a matter of time

Tricia1972

<font color=green>I love late night snacks<br><fon

I lived in central WI for years and went to many weddings. They all had cash bars. For EVERY beverage. I never went to one wedding where soda and beer were available for free. The only free beverage was water.

I do have to say that was par for the course, however -- I never went to someone's house for a party that I wasn't told to bring my own beverages. And sometimes, my own meat and utensils for a barbeque. (I remember one time being invited to a picnic and being told that in addition to bringing myown blanket/chairs, I was also to bring my own beverages, cups and utensils. I remember it quite well because the host got quite angry with me because I brought disposable items. How dare I sully his picnic with my disposable stuff!) Most of the time, IME the host merely provides the location for a party.


That's not a problem. If I have to pay for my drinks, money is coming back out of the wedding card.

YIKES! I've never run into that in the area. Parties are generally hosted. Sometimes the host will just provide the main dish and everyone brings a dish to pass, but never to the extent that you described!

We must be from different parts of the area?

How long ago did you live in Central WI?

Bob NC

DIS Veteran<br><font color="red">I am a trained pr

Plannin'Shannon

No matter how your heart is grieving, if you keep

Bob NC

DIS Veteran<br><font color="red">I am a trained pr

Disykat

DIS Veteran

So, if people have to be notified of a cash bar so they can give the bride and groom less of a gift and use that money for drinks - what about dry weddings? Should that be in the invitation so people can give less money or stay home if they're not willing to go without alcohol?

To me, a cash bar would be the same as alcohol free since I probably wouldn't buy a drink.

Minnesota!

Shoeless in Minnesota

In response to the asking to bring your own beverage -

when we have a party (pretty dang often!), we let everyone know we will provide pop, water, and 1 or 2 kinds of beer. Anything beyond that, they need to bring their own.

Same for food. I do a main, a salad, an appetizer or 2. Everyone else pitches in.

It's just the way it's done here.

Amg35

DIS Veteran

So, if people have to be notified of a cash bar so they can give the bride and groom less of a gift and use that money for drinks - what about dry weddings? Should that be in the invitation so people can give less money or stay home if they're not willing to go without alcohol?

To me, a cash bar would be the same as alcohol free since I probably wouldn't by a drink.

Well, I didn't suggest it thinking people would give them less money! It was just because people will probably be caught off guard, and I just thought it was something you do. I've never planned a wedding and never been to one with a cash bar, so I didn't know it was tacky to include it in the invite.

No harm done, she'll make her own decision.

Although I do disagree with those who say they would be better off going dry. I guess because you think it's tacky, but tacky or not, if I'm going to the wedding, I want alcohol, even if I have to buy it!

Aprilgail2

Guest

Where do you live, the land that kindergarten forgot? Some kind of OCD quarantine area? A facility for the terminally unsharing? That's just so far beyond. bring your own fancy booze to the party, maybe. Bring your own water? Bring your own soda? Bring your own chair?! Bring your own FORK?!

How is this a party? It's like refugees, gathering on someone's lawn.

Malibuconlee

<font color=red>OOH - I think I've finally figured

These wedding threads are like train-wrecks. I always look, but they irritate the heck out of me. so many people putting down what others do.

I guess the majority of the Dis lives in/grew up in affluent areas. I most certainly did not. A very poor area. I've never been to a wedding with an open bar. Kegs of beer and a cash bar are the norm. We most certainly had the wedding (Vegas with a reception at home for friends and family) we could afford. I most certainly could NOT afford to pay for alcohol for everyone. The bar was a part of the venue and would be there anyway.

I've never heard of "covering your plate" until the Dis. Of course you'll also see people in jeans at a reception.

Of course we also bring gifts and have a gift table at all weddings.

Regional/cultural norms are great, wouldn't it be boring if everything was the same everywhere? Financial differences also seem to be the biggest difference, to me anyway. A reception at the Elk's Lodge or Knights of Columbus Hall is far different than say the Brownstone!

I have to say it offends me to see so many say what I did for my wedding is tacky when it's the norm where we are concerned.


Cash bar at wedding question

We did a 90 minute cocktail hour, followed by free beer, wine on the tables, and free pop. Mixed drinks after the 90 minutes were cash bar.

It's just how it is done around here. I always know that if i am going to a wedding, I will be drinking keg beer that night b/c it's always free.

It's the same here in Central WI. Not having an open bar for the whole night is not considered tacky at all in our area.

Generally you can count on soda and beer to be free throughout the night.

Many will have an open bar before the meal and then a cash bar after the meal.

Some will have an open bar throughout the night

A few will have call drinks throughout the night, and not just rail drinks. Those are the 'fancy' weddings.

It's never on the invitation, but we know that we should bring money when going to a wedding, because we'll likely have to pay for our drinks for a portion of the evening.

Look at it this way, if I'm ever at an out of state wedding, you can come and ask me to spot you a $20 if it's a surprise cash bar.

Andtototoo

DIS Veteran

It's the same here in Central WI. Not having an open bar for the whole night is not considered tacky at all in our area.

Generally you can count on soda and beer to be free throughout the night.

Many will have an open bar before the meal and then a cash bar after the meal.

Some will have an open bar throughout the night

A few will have call drinks throughout the night, and not just rail drinks. Those are the 'fancy' weddings.

I lived in central WI for years and went to many weddings. They all had cash bars. For EVERY beverage. I never went to one wedding where soda and beer were available for free. The only free beverage was water.

I do have to say that was par for the course, however -- I never went to someone's house for a party that I wasn't told to bring my own beverages. And sometimes, my own meat and utensils for a barbeque. (I remember one time being invited to a picnic and being told that in addition to bringing myown blanket/chairs, I was also to bring my own beverages, cups and utensils. I remember it quite well because the host got quite angry with me because I brought disposable items. How dare I sully his picnic with my disposable stuff!) Most of the time, IME the host merely provides the location for a party.

Bettymae1121

DIS Veteran

The weddings I've been to have been a mix of open bar, limited open bar (free wine/beer/soft drinks only, mixed drinks guests pay for) and 100% cash bar with wine served at the dinner table. My own wedding was an open bar, but the cost for it (when compared to the total cost of the reception) wasn't a huge deal so we included it.

In any case, I go to weddings assuming it will be a cash bar, and if it turns out to be an open bar, hey all the better!

To answer the OP's question, if a cash bar is not the norm in your area, then yes I'd make a note on the reception card. I personally don't think a cash bar is tacky, but if it is considered tacky to have a cash bar, I think it's even MORE tacky not to let people know so they can plan ahead.

DIS Veteran<br><font color=teal>Needs to lay off t

What's all the fuss about booze at a reception anyway? If a person can't go a few hours without a drink, he/she must have a serious alcohol problem. I feel sorry for anyone who can't enjoy an evening out with friends and family without alcohol.


OK, not really, but I just thought I'd say it before someone else did. because you know it's only a matter of time

The Mystery Machine

Sunrise at my house. :+)

BadgerGirl84

I used to have a tag.

It's the same here in Central WI. Not having an open bar for the whole night is not considered tacky at all in our area.

Generally you can count on soda and beer to be free throughout the night.

Many will have an open bar before the meal and then a cash bar after the meal.

Some will have an open bar throughout the night

A few will have call drinks throughout the night, and not just rail drinks. Those are the 'fancy' weddings.

It's never on the invitation, but we know that we should bring money when going to a wedding, because we'll likely have to pay for our drinks for a portion of the evening.

Look at it this way, if I'm ever at an out of state wedding, you can come and ask me to spot you a $20 if it's a surprise cash bar.

Ditto. My experience as well living in Wisconsin.

I was thinking about my previous response earlier and I think that the OP should try to get the word out as much as possible that it's a cash bar, as it is not the norm in their area. I would also recommend trying to save elsewhere in the budget (cake, decor, etc.) to provide some type of alcohol as complimentary, even if it's only beer or a signature cocktail or even if it's only for a certain period of time. A cash bar IF IT'S NOT THE NORM IN YOUR AREA might rub people the wrong way.

Cornflake

DIS Veteran

I lived in central WI for years and went to many weddings. They all had cash bars. For EVERY beverage. I never went to one wedding where soda and beer were available for free. The only free beverage was water.

I do have to say that was par for the course, however -- I never went to someone's house for a party that I wasn't told to bring my own beverages. And sometimes, my own meat and utensils for a barbeque. (I remember one time being invited to a picnic and being told that in addition to bringing myown blanket/chairs, I was also to bring my own beverages, cups and utensils. I remember it quite well because the host got quite angry with me because I brought disposable items. How dare I sully his picnic with my disposable stuff!) Most of the time, IME the host merely provides the location for a party.

Where do you live, the land that kindergarten forgot? Some kind of OCD quarantine area? A facility for the terminally unsharing? That's just so far beyond. bring your own fancy booze to the party, maybe. Bring your own water? Bring your own soda? Bring your own chair?! Bring your own FORK?!

How is this a party? It's like refugees, gathering on someone's lawn.

DIS Veteran<br><font color=teal>Needs to lay off t

FireDancer

DIS Veteran

Really? I've been to parties where everyone was asked to bring a side but usually those are things like our end of year softball party or an annual Christmas dinner some friends and I have. In those situation the person hosting the party isn't really throwing it,they are just providing their house.

I also understand occasionally bringing some beer for a picnic or bonfire out of courtesy but I've never once been asked to bring my main course or non-alcoholic beverages.

Crjack

DIS Veteran

It definitely doesnt get any more expensive than NYC so I have always been surprised to see that open bar is the norm for that area.

I know previous threads on typical gifts (especially cash gifts and "covering the plate" posts) have always astounded some people so you really see some regional variances with wedding traditions.

I cant even imagine what the cost is for open bar at a typical hotel function room for say four hours with 150-200 guests but that leads into the size of a typical wedding, etc. which is filled with more differences!

For the poor couple getting married eloping is probably sounding pretty good right now!

Jrmasm

Last time I checked, it was still

What's all the fuss about booze at a reception anyway? If a person can't go a few hours without a drink, he/she must have a serious alcohol problem. I feel sorry for anyone who can't enjoy an evening out with friends and family without alcohol.


OK, not really, but I just thought I'd say it before someone else did. because you know it's only a matter of time

Tricia1972

<font color=green>I love late night snacks<br><fon

I lived in central WI for years and went to many weddings. They all had cash bars. For EVERY beverage. I never went to one wedding where soda and beer were available for free. The only free beverage was water.

I do have to say that was par for the course, however -- I never went to someone's house for a party that I wasn't told to bring my own beverages. And sometimes, my own meat and utensils for a barbeque. (I remember one time being invited to a picnic and being told that in addition to bringing myown blanket/chairs, I was also to bring my own beverages, cups and utensils. I remember it quite well because the host got quite angry with me because I brought disposable items. How dare I sully his picnic with my disposable stuff!) Most of the time, IME the host merely provides the location for a party.


That's not a problem. If I have to pay for my drinks, money is coming back out of the wedding card.

YIKES! I've never run into that in the area. Parties are generally hosted. Sometimes the host will just provide the main dish and everyone brings a dish to pass, but never to the extent that you described!

We must be from different parts of the area?

How long ago did you live in Central WI?

Bob NC

DIS Veteran<br><font color="red">I am a trained pr

Plannin'Shannon

No matter how your heart is grieving, if you keep

Bob NC

DIS Veteran<br><font color="red">I am a trained pr

Disykat

DIS Veteran

So, if people have to be notified of a cash bar so they can give the bride and groom less of a gift and use that money for drinks - what about dry weddings? Should that be in the invitation so people can give less money or stay home if they're not willing to go without alcohol?

To me, a cash bar would be the same as alcohol free since I probably wouldn't buy a drink.

Minnesota!

Shoeless in Minnesota

In response to the asking to bring your own beverage -

when we have a party (pretty dang often!), we let everyone know we will provide pop, water, and 1 or 2 kinds of beer. Anything beyond that, they need to bring their own.

Same for food. I do a main, a salad, an appetizer or 2. Everyone else pitches in.

It's just the way it's done here.

Amg35

DIS Veteran

So, if people have to be notified of a cash bar so they can give the bride and groom less of a gift and use that money for drinks - what about dry weddings? Should that be in the invitation so people can give less money or stay home if they're not willing to go without alcohol?

To me, a cash bar would be the same as alcohol free since I probably wouldn't by a drink.

Well, I didn't suggest it thinking people would give them less money! It was just because people will probably be caught off guard, and I just thought it was something you do. I've never planned a wedding and never been to one with a cash bar, so I didn't know it was tacky to include it in the invite.

No harm done, she'll make her own decision.

Although I do disagree with those who say they would be better off going dry. I guess because you think it's tacky, but tacky or not, if I'm going to the wedding, I want alcohol, even if I have to buy it!

Aprilgail2

Guest

Where do you live, the land that kindergarten forgot? Some kind of OCD quarantine area? A facility for the terminally unsharing? That's just so far beyond. bring your own fancy booze to the party, maybe. Bring your own water? Bring your own soda? Bring your own chair?! Bring your own FORK?!

How is this a party? It's like refugees, gathering on someone's lawn.

Malibuconlee

<font color=red>OOH - I think I've finally figured

These wedding threads are like train-wrecks. I always look, but they irritate the heck out of me. so many people putting down what others do.

I guess the majority of the Dis lives in/grew up in affluent areas. I most certainly did not. A very poor area. I've never been to a wedding with an open bar. Kegs of beer and a cash bar are the norm. We most certainly had the wedding (Vegas with a reception at home for friends and family) we could afford. I most certainly could NOT afford to pay for alcohol for everyone. The bar was a part of the venue and would be there anyway.

I've never heard of "covering your plate" until the Dis. Of course you'll also see people in jeans at a reception.

Of course we also bring gifts and have a gift table at all weddings.

Regional/cultural norms are great, wouldn't it be boring if everything was the same everywhere? Financial differences also seem to be the biggest difference, to me anyway. A reception at the Elk's Lodge or Knights of Columbus Hall is far different than say the Brownstone!

I have to say it offends me to see so many say what I did for my wedding is tacky when it's the norm where we are concerned.


Cash bar at wedding question

We did a 90 minute cocktail hour, followed by free beer, wine on the tables, and free pop. Mixed drinks after the 90 minutes were cash bar.

It's just how it is done around here. I always know that if i am going to a wedding, I will be drinking keg beer that night b/c it's always free.

It's the same here in Central WI. Not having an open bar for the whole night is not considered tacky at all in our area.

Generally you can count on soda and beer to be free throughout the night.

Many will have an open bar before the meal and then a cash bar after the meal.

Some will have an open bar throughout the night

A few will have call drinks throughout the night, and not just rail drinks. Those are the 'fancy' weddings.

It's never on the invitation, but we know that we should bring money when going to a wedding, because we'll likely have to pay for our drinks for a portion of the evening.

Look at it this way, if I'm ever at an out of state wedding, you can come and ask me to spot you a $20 if it's a surprise cash bar.

Andtototoo

DIS Veteran

It's the same here in Central WI. Not having an open bar for the whole night is not considered tacky at all in our area.

Generally you can count on soda and beer to be free throughout the night.

Many will have an open bar before the meal and then a cash bar after the meal.

Some will have an open bar throughout the night

A few will have call drinks throughout the night, and not just rail drinks. Those are the 'fancy' weddings.

I lived in central WI for years and went to many weddings. They all had cash bars. For EVERY beverage. I never went to one wedding where soda and beer were available for free. The only free beverage was water.

I do have to say that was par for the course, however -- I never went to someone's house for a party that I wasn't told to bring my own beverages. And sometimes, my own meat and utensils for a barbeque. (I remember one time being invited to a picnic and being told that in addition to bringing myown blanket/chairs, I was also to bring my own beverages, cups and utensils. I remember it quite well because the host got quite angry with me because I brought disposable items. How dare I sully his picnic with my disposable stuff!) Most of the time, IME the host merely provides the location for a party.

Bettymae1121

DIS Veteran

The weddings I've been to have been a mix of open bar, limited open bar (free wine/beer/soft drinks only, mixed drinks guests pay for) and 100% cash bar with wine served at the dinner table. My own wedding was an open bar, but the cost for it (when compared to the total cost of the reception) wasn't a huge deal so we included it.

In any case, I go to weddings assuming it will be a cash bar, and if it turns out to be an open bar, hey all the better!

To answer the OP's question, if a cash bar is not the norm in your area, then yes I'd make a note on the reception card. I personally don't think a cash bar is tacky, but if it is considered tacky to have a cash bar, I think it's even MORE tacky not to let people know so they can plan ahead.

DIS Veteran<br><font color=teal>Needs to lay off t

What's all the fuss about booze at a reception anyway? If a person can't go a few hours without a drink, he/she must have a serious alcohol problem. I feel sorry for anyone who can't enjoy an evening out with friends and family without alcohol.


OK, not really, but I just thought I'd say it before someone else did. because you know it's only a matter of time

The Mystery Machine

Sunrise at my house. :+)

BadgerGirl84

I used to have a tag.

It's the same here in Central WI. Not having an open bar for the whole night is not considered tacky at all in our area.

Generally you can count on soda and beer to be free throughout the night.

Many will have an open bar before the meal and then a cash bar after the meal.

Some will have an open bar throughout the night

A few will have call drinks throughout the night, and not just rail drinks. Those are the 'fancy' weddings.

It's never on the invitation, but we know that we should bring money when going to a wedding, because we'll likely have to pay for our drinks for a portion of the evening.

Look at it this way, if I'm ever at an out of state wedding, you can come and ask me to spot you a $20 if it's a surprise cash bar.

Ditto. My experience as well living in Wisconsin.

I was thinking about my previous response earlier and I think that the OP should try to get the word out as much as possible that it's a cash bar, as it is not the norm in their area. I would also recommend trying to save elsewhere in the budget (cake, decor, etc.) to provide some type of alcohol as complimentary, even if it's only beer or a signature cocktail or even if it's only for a certain period of time. A cash bar IF IT'S NOT THE NORM IN YOUR AREA might rub people the wrong way.

Cornflake

DIS Veteran

I lived in central WI for years and went to many weddings. They all had cash bars. For EVERY beverage. I never went to one wedding where soda and beer were available for free. The only free beverage was water.

I do have to say that was par for the course, however -- I never went to someone's house for a party that I wasn't told to bring my own beverages. And sometimes, my own meat and utensils for a barbeque. (I remember one time being invited to a picnic and being told that in addition to bringing myown blanket/chairs, I was also to bring my own beverages, cups and utensils. I remember it quite well because the host got quite angry with me because I brought disposable items. How dare I sully his picnic with my disposable stuff!) Most of the time, IME the host merely provides the location for a party.

Where do you live, the land that kindergarten forgot? Some kind of OCD quarantine area? A facility for the terminally unsharing? That's just so far beyond. bring your own fancy booze to the party, maybe. Bring your own water? Bring your own soda? Bring your own chair?! Bring your own FORK?!

How is this a party? It's like refugees, gathering on someone's lawn.

DIS Veteran<br><font color=teal>Needs to lay off t

FireDancer

DIS Veteran

Really? I've been to parties where everyone was asked to bring a side but usually those are things like our end of year softball party or an annual Christmas dinner some friends and I have. In those situation the person hosting the party isn't really throwing it,they are just providing their house.

I also understand occasionally bringing some beer for a picnic or bonfire out of courtesy but I've never once been asked to bring my main course or non-alcoholic beverages.

Crjack

DIS Veteran

It definitely doesnt get any more expensive than NYC so I have always been surprised to see that open bar is the norm for that area.

I know previous threads on typical gifts (especially cash gifts and "covering the plate" posts) have always astounded some people so you really see some regional variances with wedding traditions.

I cant even imagine what the cost is for open bar at a typical hotel function room for say four hours with 150-200 guests but that leads into the size of a typical wedding, etc. which is filled with more differences!

For the poor couple getting married eloping is probably sounding pretty good right now!

Jrmasm

Last time I checked, it was still

What's all the fuss about booze at a reception anyway? If a person can't go a few hours without a drink, he/she must have a serious alcohol problem. I feel sorry for anyone who can't enjoy an evening out with friends and family without alcohol.


OK, not really, but I just thought I'd say it before someone else did. because you know it's only a matter of time

Tricia1972

<font color=green>I love late night snacks<br><fon

I lived in central WI for years and went to many weddings. They all had cash bars. For EVERY beverage. I never went to one wedding where soda and beer were available for free. The only free beverage was water.

I do have to say that was par for the course, however -- I never went to someone's house for a party that I wasn't told to bring my own beverages. And sometimes, my own meat and utensils for a barbeque. (I remember one time being invited to a picnic and being told that in addition to bringing myown blanket/chairs, I was also to bring my own beverages, cups and utensils. I remember it quite well because the host got quite angry with me because I brought disposable items. How dare I sully his picnic with my disposable stuff!) Most of the time, IME the host merely provides the location for a party.


That's not a problem. If I have to pay for my drinks, money is coming back out of the wedding card.

YIKES! I've never run into that in the area. Parties are generally hosted. Sometimes the host will just provide the main dish and everyone brings a dish to pass, but never to the extent that you described!

We must be from different parts of the area?

How long ago did you live in Central WI?

Bob NC

DIS Veteran<br><font color="red">I am a trained pr

Plannin'Shannon

No matter how your heart is grieving, if you keep

Bob NC

DIS Veteran<br><font color="red">I am a trained pr

Disykat

DIS Veteran

So, if people have to be notified of a cash bar so they can give the bride and groom less of a gift and use that money for drinks - what about dry weddings? Should that be in the invitation so people can give less money or stay home if they're not willing to go without alcohol?

To me, a cash bar would be the same as alcohol free since I probably wouldn't buy a drink.

Minnesota!

Shoeless in Minnesota

In response to the asking to bring your own beverage -

when we have a party (pretty dang often!), we let everyone know we will provide pop, water, and 1 or 2 kinds of beer. Anything beyond that, they need to bring their own.

Same for food. I do a main, a salad, an appetizer or 2. Everyone else pitches in.

It's just the way it's done here.

Amg35

DIS Veteran

So, if people have to be notified of a cash bar so they can give the bride and groom less of a gift and use that money for drinks - what about dry weddings? Should that be in the invitation so people can give less money or stay home if they're not willing to go without alcohol?

To me, a cash bar would be the same as alcohol free since I probably wouldn't by a drink.

Well, I didn't suggest it thinking people would give them less money! It was just because people will probably be caught off guard, and I just thought it was something you do. I've never planned a wedding and never been to one with a cash bar, so I didn't know it was tacky to include it in the invite.

No harm done, she'll make her own decision.

Although I do disagree with those who say they would be better off going dry. I guess because you think it's tacky, but tacky or not, if I'm going to the wedding, I want alcohol, even if I have to buy it!

Aprilgail2

Guest

Where do you live, the land that kindergarten forgot? Some kind of OCD quarantine area? A facility for the terminally unsharing? That's just so far beyond. bring your own fancy booze to the party, maybe. Bring your own water? Bring your own soda? Bring your own chair?! Bring your own FORK?!

How is this a party? It's like refugees, gathering on someone's lawn.

Malibuconlee

<font color=red>OOH - I think I've finally figured

These wedding threads are like train-wrecks. I always look, but they irritate the heck out of me. so many people putting down what others do.

I guess the majority of the Dis lives in/grew up in affluent areas. I most certainly did not. A very poor area. I've never been to a wedding with an open bar. Kegs of beer and a cash bar are the norm. We most certainly had the wedding (Vegas with a reception at home for friends and family) we could afford. I most certainly could NOT afford to pay for alcohol for everyone. The bar was a part of the venue and would be there anyway.

I've never heard of "covering your plate" until the Dis. Of course you'll also see people in jeans at a reception.

Of course we also bring gifts and have a gift table at all weddings.

Regional/cultural norms are great, wouldn't it be boring if everything was the same everywhere? Financial differences also seem to be the biggest difference, to me anyway. A reception at the Elk's Lodge or Knights of Columbus Hall is far different than say the Brownstone!

I have to say it offends me to see so many say what I did for my wedding is tacky when it's the norm where we are concerned.


Cash bar at wedding question

We did a 90 minute cocktail hour, followed by free beer, wine on the tables, and free pop. Mixed drinks after the 90 minutes were cash bar.

It's just how it is done around here. I always know that if i am going to a wedding, I will be drinking keg beer that night b/c it's always free.

It's the same here in Central WI. Not having an open bar for the whole night is not considered tacky at all in our area.

Generally you can count on soda and beer to be free throughout the night.

Many will have an open bar before the meal and then a cash bar after the meal.

Some will have an open bar throughout the night

A few will have call drinks throughout the night, and not just rail drinks. Those are the 'fancy' weddings.

It's never on the invitation, but we know that we should bring money when going to a wedding, because we'll likely have to pay for our drinks for a portion of the evening.

Look at it this way, if I'm ever at an out of state wedding, you can come and ask me to spot you a $20 if it's a surprise cash bar.

Andtototoo

DIS Veteran

It's the same here in Central WI. Not having an open bar for the whole night is not considered tacky at all in our area.

Generally you can count on soda and beer to be free throughout the night.

Many will have an open bar before the meal and then a cash bar after the meal.

Some will have an open bar throughout the night

A few will have call drinks throughout the night, and not just rail drinks. Those are the 'fancy' weddings.

I lived in central WI for years and went to many weddings. They all had cash bars. For EVERY beverage. I never went to one wedding where soda and beer were available for free. The only free beverage was water.

I do have to say that was par for the course, however -- I never went to someone's house for a party that I wasn't told to bring my own beverages. And sometimes, my own meat and utensils for a barbeque. (I remember one time being invited to a picnic and being told that in addition to bringing myown blanket/chairs, I was also to bring my own beverages, cups and utensils. I remember it quite well because the host got quite angry with me because I brought disposable items. How dare I sully his picnic with my disposable stuff!) Most of the time, IME the host merely provides the location for a party.

Bettymae1121

DIS Veteran

The weddings I've been to have been a mix of open bar, limited open bar (free wine/beer/soft drinks only, mixed drinks guests pay for) and 100% cash bar with wine served at the dinner table. My own wedding was an open bar, but the cost for it (when compared to the total cost of the reception) wasn't a huge deal so we included it.

In any case, I go to weddings assuming it will be a cash bar, and if it turns out to be an open bar, hey all the better!

To answer the OP's question, if a cash bar is not the norm in your area, then yes I'd make a note on the reception card. I personally don't think a cash bar is tacky, but if it is considered tacky to have a cash bar, I think it's even MORE tacky not to let people know so they can plan ahead.

DIS Veteran<br><font color=teal>Needs to lay off t

What's all the fuss about booze at a reception anyway? If a person can't go a few hours without a drink, he/she must have a serious alcohol problem. I feel sorry for anyone who can't enjoy an evening out with friends and family without alcohol.


OK, not really, but I just thought I'd say it before someone else did. because you know it's only a matter of time

The Mystery Machine

Sunrise at my house. :+)

BadgerGirl84

I used to have a tag.

It's the same here in Central WI. Not having an open bar for the whole night is not considered tacky at all in our area.

Generally you can count on soda and beer to be free throughout the night.

Many will have an open bar before the meal and then a cash bar after the meal.

Some will have an open bar throughout the night

A few will have call drinks throughout the night, and not just rail drinks. Those are the 'fancy' weddings.

It's never on the invitation, but we know that we should bring money when going to a wedding, because we'll likely have to pay for our drinks for a portion of the evening.

Look at it this way, if I'm ever at an out of state wedding, you can come and ask me to spot you a $20 if it's a surprise cash bar.

Ditto. My experience as well living in Wisconsin.

I was thinking about my previous response earlier and I think that the OP should try to get the word out as much as possible that it's a cash bar, as it is not the norm in their area. I would also recommend trying to save elsewhere in the budget (cake, decor, etc.) to provide some type of alcohol as complimentary, even if it's only beer or a signature cocktail or even if it's only for a certain period of time. A cash bar IF IT'S NOT THE NORM IN YOUR AREA might rub people the wrong way.

Cornflake

DIS Veteran

I lived in central WI for years and went to many weddings. They all had cash bars. For EVERY beverage. I never went to one wedding where soda and beer were available for free. The only free beverage was water.

I do have to say that was par for the course, however -- I never went to someone's house for a party that I wasn't told to bring my own beverages. And sometimes, my own meat and utensils for a barbeque. (I remember one time being invited to a picnic and being told that in addition to bringing myown blanket/chairs, I was also to bring my own beverages, cups and utensils. I remember it quite well because the host got quite angry with me because I brought disposable items. How dare I sully his picnic with my disposable stuff!) Most of the time, IME the host merely provides the location for a party.

Where do you live, the land that kindergarten forgot? Some kind of OCD quarantine area? A facility for the terminally unsharing? That's just so far beyond. bring your own fancy booze to the party, maybe. Bring your own water? Bring your own soda? Bring your own chair?! Bring your own FORK?!

How is this a party? It's like refugees, gathering on someone's lawn.

DIS Veteran<br><font color=teal>Needs to lay off t

FireDancer

DIS Veteran

Really? I've been to parties where everyone was asked to bring a side but usually those are things like our end of year softball party or an annual Christmas dinner some friends and I have. In those situation the person hosting the party isn't really throwing it,they are just providing their house.

I also understand occasionally bringing some beer for a picnic or bonfire out of courtesy but I've never once been asked to bring my main course or non-alcoholic beverages.

Crjack

DIS Veteran

It definitely doesnt get any more expensive than NYC so I have always been surprised to see that open bar is the norm for that area.

I know previous threads on typical gifts (especially cash gifts and "covering the plate" posts) have always astounded some people so you really see some regional variances with wedding traditions.

I cant even imagine what the cost is for open bar at a typical hotel function room for say four hours with 150-200 guests but that leads into the size of a typical wedding, etc. which is filled with more differences!

For the poor couple getting married eloping is probably sounding pretty good right now!

Jrmasm

Last time I checked, it was still

What's all the fuss about booze at a reception anyway? If a person can't go a few hours without a drink, he/she must have a serious alcohol problem. I feel sorry for anyone who can't enjoy an evening out with friends and family without alcohol.


OK, not really, but I just thought I'd say it before someone else did. because you know it's only a matter of time

Tricia1972

<font color=green>I love late night snacks<br><fon

I lived in central WI for years and went to many weddings. They all had cash bars. For EVERY beverage. I never went to one wedding where soda and beer were available for free. The only free beverage was water.

I do have to say that was par for the course, however -- I never went to someone's house for a party that I wasn't told to bring my own beverages. And sometimes, my own meat and utensils for a barbeque. (I remember one time being invited to a picnic and being told that in addition to bringing myown blanket/chairs, I was also to bring my own beverages, cups and utensils. I remember it quite well because the host got quite angry with me because I brought disposable items. How dare I sully his picnic with my disposable stuff!) Most of the time, IME the host merely provides the location for a party.


That's not a problem. If I have to pay for my drinks, money is coming back out of the wedding card.

YIKES! I've never run into that in the area. Parties are generally hosted. Sometimes the host will just provide the main dish and everyone brings a dish to pass, but never to the extent that you described!

We must be from different parts of the area?

How long ago did you live in Central WI?

Bob NC

DIS Veteran<br><font color="red">I am a trained pr

Plannin'Shannon

No matter how your heart is grieving, if you keep

Bob NC

DIS Veteran<br><font color="red">I am a trained pr

Disykat

DIS Veteran

So, if people have to be notified of a cash bar so they can give the bride and groom less of a gift and use that money for drinks - what about dry weddings? Should that be in the invitation so people can give less money or stay home if they're not willing to go without alcohol?

To me, a cash bar would be the same as alcohol free since I probably wouldn't buy a drink.

Minnesota!

Shoeless in Minnesota

In response to the asking to bring your own beverage -

when we have a party (pretty dang often!), we let everyone know we will provide pop, water, and 1 or 2 kinds of beer. Anything beyond that, they need to bring their own.

Same for food. I do a main, a salad, an appetizer or 2. Everyone else pitches in.

It's just the way it's done here.

Amg35

DIS Veteran

So, if people have to be notified of a cash bar so they can give the bride and groom less of a gift and use that money for drinks - what about dry weddings? Should that be in the invitation so people can give less money or stay home if they're not willing to go without alcohol?

To me, a cash bar would be the same as alcohol free since I probably wouldn't by a drink.

Well, I didn't suggest it thinking people would give them less money! It was just because people will probably be caught off guard, and I just thought it was something you do. I've never planned a wedding and never been to one with a cash bar, so I didn't know it was tacky to include it in the invite.

No harm done, she'll make her own decision.

Although I do disagree with those who say they would be better off going dry. I guess because you think it's tacky, but tacky or not, if I'm going to the wedding, I want alcohol, even if I have to buy it!

Aprilgail2

Guest

Where do you live, the land that kindergarten forgot? Some kind of OCD quarantine area? A facility for the terminally unsharing? That's just so far beyond. bring your own fancy booze to the party, maybe. Bring your own water? Bring your own soda? Bring your own chair?! Bring your own FORK?!

How is this a party? It's like refugees, gathering on someone's lawn.

Malibuconlee

<font color=red>OOH - I think I've finally figured

These wedding threads are like train-wrecks. I always look, but they irritate the heck out of me. so many people putting down what others do.

I guess the majority of the Dis lives in/grew up in affluent areas. I most certainly did not. A very poor area. I've never been to a wedding with an open bar. Kegs of beer and a cash bar are the norm. We most certainly had the wedding (Vegas with a reception at home for friends and family) we could afford. I most certainly could NOT afford to pay for alcohol for everyone. The bar was a part of the venue and would be there anyway.

I've never heard of "covering your plate" until the Dis. Of course you'll also see people in jeans at a reception.

Of course we also bring gifts and have a gift table at all weddings.

Regional/cultural norms are great, wouldn't it be boring if everything was the same everywhere? Financial differences also seem to be the biggest difference, to me anyway. A reception at the Elk's Lodge or Knights of Columbus Hall is far different than say the Brownstone!

I have to say it offends me to see so many say what I did for my wedding is tacky when it's the norm where we are concerned.


Cash bar at wedding question

We did a 90 minute cocktail hour, followed by free beer, wine on the tables, and free pop. Mixed drinks after the 90 minutes were cash bar.

It's just how it is done around here. I always know that if i am going to a wedding, I will be drinking keg beer that night b/c it's always free.

It's the same here in Central WI. Not having an open bar for the whole night is not considered tacky at all in our area.

Generally you can count on soda and beer to be free throughout the night.

Many will have an open bar before the meal and then a cash bar after the meal.

Some will have an open bar throughout the night

A few will have call drinks throughout the night, and not just rail drinks. Those are the 'fancy' weddings.

It's never on the invitation, but we know that we should bring money when going to a wedding, because we'll likely have to pay for our drinks for a portion of the evening.

Look at it this way, if I'm ever at an out of state wedding, you can come and ask me to spot you a $20 if it's a surprise cash bar.

Andtototoo

DIS Veteran

It's the same here in Central WI. Not having an open bar for the whole night is not considered tacky at all in our area.

Generally you can count on soda and beer to be free throughout the night.

Many will have an open bar before the meal and then a cash bar after the meal.

Some will have an open bar throughout the night

A few will have call drinks throughout the night, and not just rail drinks. Those are the 'fancy' weddings.

I lived in central WI for years and went to many weddings. They all had cash bars. For EVERY beverage. I never went to one wedding where soda and beer were available for free. The only free beverage was water.

I do have to say that was par for the course, however -- I never went to someone's house for a party that I wasn't told to bring my own beverages. And sometimes, my own meat and utensils for a barbeque. (I remember one time being invited to a picnic and being told that in addition to bringing myown blanket/chairs, I was also to bring my own beverages, cups and utensils. I remember it quite well because the host got quite angry with me because I brought disposable items. How dare I sully his picnic with my disposable stuff!) Most of the time, IME the host merely provides the location for a party.

Bettymae1121

DIS Veteran

The weddings I've been to have been a mix of open bar, limited open bar (free wine/beer/soft drinks only, mixed drinks guests pay for) and 100% cash bar with wine served at the dinner table. My own wedding was an open bar, but the cost for it (when compared to the total cost of the reception) wasn't a huge deal so we included it.

In any case, I go to weddings assuming it will be a cash bar, and if it turns out to be an open bar, hey all the better!

To answer the OP's question, if a cash bar is not the norm in your area, then yes I'd make a note on the reception card. I personally don't think a cash bar is tacky, but if it is considered tacky to have a cash bar, I think it's even MORE tacky not to let people know so they can plan ahead.

DIS Veteran<br><font color=teal>Needs to lay off t

What's all the fuss about booze at a reception anyway? If a person can't go a few hours without a drink, he/she must have a serious alcohol problem. I feel sorry for anyone who can't enjoy an evening out with friends and family without alcohol.


OK, not really, but I just thought I'd say it before someone else did. because you know it's only a matter of time

The Mystery Machine

Sunrise at my house. :+)

BadgerGirl84

I used to have a tag.

It's the same here in Central WI. Not having an open bar for the whole night is not considered tacky at all in our area.

Generally you can count on soda and beer to be free throughout the night.

Many will have an open bar before the meal and then a cash bar after the meal.

Some will have an open bar throughout the night

A few will have call drinks throughout the night, and not just rail drinks. Those are the 'fancy' weddings.

It's never on the invitation, but we know that we should bring money when going to a wedding, because we'll likely have to pay for our drinks for a portion of the evening.

Look at it this way, if I'm ever at an out of state wedding, you can come and ask me to spot you a $20 if it's a surprise cash bar.

Ditto. My experience as well living in Wisconsin.

I was thinking about my previous response earlier and I think that the OP should try to get the word out as much as possible that it's a cash bar, as it is not the norm in their area. I would also recommend trying to save elsewhere in the budget (cake, decor, etc.) to provide some type of alcohol as complimentary, even if it's only beer or a signature cocktail or even if it's only for a certain period of time. A cash bar IF IT'S NOT THE NORM IN YOUR AREA might rub people the wrong way.

Cornflake

DIS Veteran

I lived in central WI for years and went to many weddings. They all had cash bars. For EVERY beverage. I never went to one wedding where soda and beer were available for free. The only free beverage was water.

I do have to say that was par for the course, however -- I never went to someone's house for a party that I wasn't told to bring my own beverages. And sometimes, my own meat and utensils for a barbeque. (I remember one time being invited to a picnic and being told that in addition to bringing myown blanket/chairs, I was also to bring my own beverages, cups and utensils. I remember it quite well because the host got quite angry with me because I brought disposable items. How dare I sully his picnic with my disposable stuff!) Most of the time, IME the host merely provides the location for a party.

Where do you live, the land that kindergarten forgot? Some kind of OCD quarantine area? A facility for the terminally unsharing? That's just so far beyond. bring your own fancy booze to the party, maybe. Bring your own water? Bring your own soda? Bring your own chair?! Bring your own FORK?!

How is this a party? It's like refugees, gathering on someone's lawn.

DIS Veteran<br><font color=teal>Needs to lay off t

FireDancer

DIS Veteran

Really? I've been to parties where everyone was asked to bring a side but usually those are things like our end of year softball party or an annual Christmas dinner some friends and I have. In those situation the person hosting the party isn't really throwing it,they are just providing their house.

I also understand occasionally bringing some beer for a picnic or bonfire out of courtesy but I've never once been asked to bring my main course or non-alcoholic beverages.

Crjack

DIS Veteran

It definitely doesnt get any more expensive than NYC so I have always been surprised to see that open bar is the norm for that area.

I know previous threads on typical gifts (especially cash gifts and "covering the plate" posts) have always astounded some people so you really see some regional variances with wedding traditions.

I cant even imagine what the cost is for open bar at a typical hotel function room for say four hours with 150-200 guests but that leads into the size of a typical wedding, etc. which is filled with more differences!

For the poor couple getting married eloping is probably sounding pretty good right now!

Jrmasm

Last time I checked, it was still

What's all the fuss about booze at a reception anyway? If a person can't go a few hours without a drink, he/she must have a serious alcohol problem. I feel sorry for anyone who can't enjoy an evening out with friends and family without alcohol.


OK, not really, but I just thought I'd say it before someone else did. because you know it's only a matter of time

Tricia1972

<font color=green>I love late night snacks<br><fon

I lived in central WI for years and went to many weddings. They all had cash bars. For EVERY beverage. I never went to one wedding where soda and beer were available for free. The only free beverage was water.

I do have to say that was par for the course, however -- I never went to someone's house for a party that I wasn't told to bring my own beverages. And sometimes, my own meat and utensils for a barbeque. (I remember one time being invited to a picnic and being told that in addition to bringing myown blanket/chairs, I was also to bring my own beverages, cups and utensils. I remember it quite well because the host got quite angry with me because I brought disposable items. How dare I sully his picnic with my disposable stuff!) Most of the time, IME the host merely provides the location for a party.


That's not a problem. If I have to pay for my drinks, money is coming back out of the wedding card.

YIKES! I've never run into that in the area. Parties are generally hosted. Sometimes the host will just provide the main dish and everyone brings a dish to pass, but never to the extent that you described!

We must be from different parts of the area?

How long ago did you live in Central WI?

Bob NC

DIS Veteran<br><font color="red">I am a trained pr

Plannin'Shannon

No matter how your heart is grieving, if you keep

Bob NC

DIS Veteran<br><font color="red">I am a trained pr

Disykat

DIS Veteran

So, if people have to be notified of a cash bar so they can give the bride and groom less of a gift and use that money for drinks - what about dry weddings? Should that be in the invitation so people can give less money or stay home if they're not willing to go without alcohol?

To me, a cash bar would be the same as alcohol free since I probably wouldn't buy a drink.

Minnesota!

Shoeless in Minnesota

In response to the asking to bring your own beverage -

when we have a party (pretty dang often!), we let everyone know we will provide pop, water, and 1 or 2 kinds of beer. Anything beyond that, they need to bring their own.

Same for food. I do a main, a salad, an appetizer or 2. Everyone else pitches in.

It's just the way it's done here.

Amg35

DIS Veteran

So, if people have to be notified of a cash bar so they can give the bride and groom less of a gift and use that money for drinks - what about dry weddings? Should that be in the invitation so people can give less money or stay home if they're not willing to go without alcohol?

To me, a cash bar would be the same as alcohol free since I probably wouldn't by a drink.

Well, I didn't suggest it thinking people would give them less money! It was just because people will probably be caught off guard, and I just thought it was something you do. I've never planned a wedding and never been to one with a cash bar, so I didn't know it was tacky to include it in the invite.

No harm done, she'll make her own decision.

Although I do disagree with those who say they would be better off going dry. I guess because you think it's tacky, but tacky or not, if I'm going to the wedding, I want alcohol, even if I have to buy it!

Aprilgail2

Guest

Where do you live, the land that kindergarten forgot? Some kind of OCD quarantine area? A facility for the terminally unsharing? That's just so far beyond. bring your own fancy booze to the party, maybe. Bring your own water? Bring your own soda? Bring your own chair?! Bring your own FORK?!

How is this a party? It's like refugees, gathering on someone's lawn.

Malibuconlee

<font color=red>OOH - I think I've finally figured

These wedding threads are like train-wrecks. I always look, but they irritate the heck out of me. so many people putting down what others do.

I guess the majority of the Dis lives in/grew up in affluent areas. I most certainly did not. A very poor area. I've never been to a wedding with an open bar. Kegs of beer and a cash bar are the norm. We most certainly had the wedding (Vegas with a reception at home for friends and family) we could afford. I most certainly could NOT afford to pay for alcohol for everyone. The bar was a part of the venue and would be there anyway.

I've never heard of "covering your plate" until the Dis. Of course you'll also see people in jeans at a reception.

Of course we also bring gifts and have a gift table at all weddings.

Regional/cultural norms are great, wouldn't it be boring if everything was the same everywhere? Financial differences also seem to be the biggest difference, to me anyway. A reception at the Elk's Lodge or Knights of Columbus Hall is far different than say the Brownstone!

I have to say it offends me to see so many say what I did for my wedding is tacky when it's the norm where we are concerned.


Cash bar at wedding question

We did a 90 minute cocktail hour, followed by free beer, wine on the tables, and free pop. Mixed drinks after the 90 minutes were cash bar.

It's just how it is done around here. I always know that if i am going to a wedding, I will be drinking keg beer that night b/c it's always free.

It's the same here in Central WI. Not having an open bar for the whole night is not considered tacky at all in our area.

Generally you can count on soda and beer to be free throughout the night.

Many will have an open bar before the meal and then a cash bar after the meal.

Some will have an open bar throughout the night

A few will have call drinks throughout the night, and not just rail drinks. Those are the 'fancy' weddings.

It's never on the invitation, but we know that we should bring money when going to a wedding, because we'll likely have to pay for our drinks for a portion of the evening.

Look at it this way, if I'm ever at an out of state wedding, you can come and ask me to spot you a $20 if it's a surprise cash bar.

Andtototoo

DIS Veteran

It's the same here in Central WI. Not having an open bar for the whole night is not considered tacky at all in our area.

Generally you can count on soda and beer to be free throughout the night.

Many will have an open bar before the meal and then a cash bar after the meal.

Some will have an open bar throughout the night

A few will have call drinks throughout the night, and not just rail drinks. Those are the 'fancy' weddings.

I lived in central WI for years and went to many weddings. They all had cash bars. For EVERY beverage. I never went to one wedding where soda and beer were available for free. The only free beverage was water.

I do have to say that was par for the course, however -- I never went to someone's house for a party that I wasn't told to bring my own beverages. And sometimes, my own meat and utensils for a barbeque. (I remember one time being invited to a picnic and being told that in addition to bringing myown blanket/chairs, I was also to bring my own beverages, cups and utensils. I remember it quite well because the host got quite angry with me because I brought disposable items. How dare I sully his picnic with my disposable stuff!) Most of the time, IME the host merely provides the location for a party.

Bettymae1121

DIS Veteran

The weddings I've been to have been a mix of open bar, limited open bar (free wine/beer/soft drinks only, mixed drinks guests pay for) and 100% cash bar with wine served at the dinner table. My own wedding was an open bar, but the cost for it (when compared to the total cost of the reception) wasn't a huge deal so we included it.

In any case, I go to weddings assuming it will be a cash bar, and if it turns out to be an open bar, hey all the better!

To answer the OP's question, if a cash bar is not the norm in your area, then yes I'd make a note on the reception card. I personally don't think a cash bar is tacky, but if it is considered tacky to have a cash bar, I think it's even MORE tacky not to let people know so they can plan ahead.

DIS Veteran<br><font color=teal>Needs to lay off t

What's all the fuss about booze at a reception anyway? If a person can't go a few hours without a drink, he/she must have a serious alcohol problem. I feel sorry for anyone who can't enjoy an evening out with friends and family without alcohol.


OK, not really, but I just thought I'd say it before someone else did. because you know it's only a matter of time

The Mystery Machine

Sunrise at my house. :+)

BadgerGirl84

I used to have a tag.

It's the same here in Central WI. Not having an open bar for the whole night is not considered tacky at all in our area.

Generally you can count on soda and beer to be free throughout the night.

Many will have an open bar before the meal and then a cash bar after the meal.

Some will have an open bar throughout the night

A few will have call drinks throughout the night, and not just rail drinks. Those are the 'fancy' weddings.

It's never on the invitation, but we know that we should bring money when going to a wedding, because we'll likely have to pay for our drinks for a portion of the evening.

Look at it this way, if I'm ever at an out of state wedding, you can come and ask me to spot you a $20 if it's a surprise cash bar.

Ditto. My experience as well living in Wisconsin.

I was thinking about my previous response earlier and I think that the OP should try to get the word out as much as possible that it's a cash bar, as it is not the norm in their area. I would also recommend trying to save elsewhere in the budget (cake, decor, etc.) to provide some type of alcohol as complimentary, even if it's only beer or a signature cocktail or even if it's only for a certain period of time. A cash bar IF IT'S NOT THE NORM IN YOUR AREA might rub people the wrong way.

Cornflake

DIS Veteran

I lived in central WI for years and went to many weddings. They all had cash bars. For EVERY beverage. I never went to one wedding where soda and beer were available for free. The only free beverage was water.

I do have to say that was par for the course, however -- I never went to someone's house for a party that I wasn't told to bring my own beverages. And sometimes, my own meat and utensils for a barbeque. (I remember one time being invited to a picnic and being told that in addition to bringing myown blanket/chairs, I was also to bring my own beverages, cups and utensils. I remember it quite well because the host got quite angry with me because I brought disposable items. How dare I sully his picnic with my disposable stuff!) Most of the time, IME the host merely provides the location for a party.

Where do you live, the land that kindergarten forgot? Some kind of OCD quarantine area? A facility for the terminally unsharing? That's just so far beyond. bring your own fancy booze to the party, maybe. Bring your own water? Bring your own soda? Bring your own chair?! Bring your own FORK?!

How is this a party? It's like refugees, gathering on someone's lawn.

DIS Veteran<br><font color=teal>Needs to lay off t

FireDancer

DIS Veteran

Really? I've been to parties where everyone was asked to bring a side but usually those are things like our end of year softball party or an annual Christmas dinner some friends and I have. In those situation the person hosting the party isn't really throwing it,they are just providing their house.

I also understand occasionally bringing some beer for a picnic or bonfire out of courtesy but I've never once been asked to bring my main course or non-alcoholic beverages.

Crjack

DIS Veteran

It definitely doesnt get any more expensive than NYC so I have always been surprised to see that open bar is the norm for that area.

I know previous threads on typical gifts (especially cash gifts and "covering the plate" posts) have always astounded some people so you really see some regional variances with wedding traditions.

I cant even imagine what the cost is for open bar at a typical hotel function room for say four hours with 150-200 guests but that leads into the size of a typical wedding, etc. which is filled with more differences!

For the poor couple getting married eloping is probably sounding pretty good right now!

Jrmasm

Last time I checked, it was still

What's all the fuss about booze at a reception anyway? If a person can't go a few hours without a drink, he/she must have a serious alcohol problem. I feel sorry for anyone who can't enjoy an evening out with friends and family without alcohol.


OK, not really, but I just thought I'd say it before someone else did. because you know it's only a matter of time

Tricia1972

<font color=green>I love late night snacks<br><fon

I lived in central WI for years and went to many weddings. They all had cash bars. For EVERY beverage. I never went to one wedding where soda and beer were available for free. The only free beverage was water.

I do have to say that was par for the course, however -- I never went to someone's house for a party that I wasn't told to bring my own beverages. And sometimes, my own meat and utensils for a barbeque. (I remember one time being invited to a picnic and being told that in addition to bringing myown blanket/chairs, I was also to bring my own beverages, cups and utensils. I remember it quite well because the host got quite angry with me because I brought disposable items. How dare I sully his picnic with my disposable stuff!) Most of the time, IME the host merely provides the location for a party.


That's not a problem. If I have to pay for my drinks, money is coming back out of the wedding card.

YIKES! I've never run into that in the area. Parties are generally hosted. Sometimes the host will just provide the main dish and everyone brings a dish to pass, but never to the extent that you described!

We must be from different parts of the area?

How long ago did you live in Central WI?

Bob NC

DIS Veteran<br><font color="red">I am a trained pr

Plannin'Shannon

No matter how your heart is grieving, if you keep

Bob NC

DIS Veteran<br><font color="red">I am a trained pr

Disykat

DIS Veteran

So, if people have to be notified of a cash bar so they can give the bride and groom less of a gift and use that money for drinks - what about dry weddings? Should that be in the invitation so people can give less money or stay home if they're not willing to go without alcohol?

To me, a cash bar would be the same as alcohol free since I probably wouldn't buy a drink.

Minnesota!

Shoeless in Minnesota

In response to the asking to bring your own beverage -

when we have a party (pretty dang often!), we let everyone know we will provide pop, water, and 1 or 2 kinds of beer. Anything beyond that, they need to bring their own.

Same for food. I do a main, a salad, an appetizer or 2. Everyone else pitches in.

It's just the way it's done here.

Amg35

DIS Veteran

So, if people have to be notified of a cash bar so they can give the bride and groom less of a gift and use that money for drinks - what about dry weddings? Should that be in the invitation so people can give less money or stay home if they're not willing to go without alcohol?

To me, a cash bar would be the same as alcohol free since I probably wouldn't by a drink.

Well, I didn't suggest it thinking people would give them less money! It was just because people will probably be caught off guard, and I just thought it was something you do. I've never planned a wedding and never been to one with a cash bar, so I didn't know it was tacky to include it in the invite.

No harm done, she'll make her own decision.

Although I do disagree with those who say they would be better off going dry. I guess because you think it's tacky, but tacky or not, if I'm going to the wedding, I want alcohol, even if I have to buy it!

Aprilgail2

Guest

Where do you live, the land that kindergarten forgot? Some kind of OCD quarantine area? A facility for the terminally unsharing? That's just so far beyond. bring your own fancy booze to the party, maybe. Bring your own water? Bring your own soda? Bring your own chair?! Bring your own FORK?!

How is this a party? It's like refugees, gathering on someone's lawn.

Malibuconlee

<font color=red>OOH - I think I've finally figured

These wedding threads are like train-wrecks. I always look, but they irritate the heck out of me. so many people putting down what others do.

I guess the majority of the Dis lives in/grew up in affluent areas. I most certainly did not. A very poor area. I've never been to a wedding with an open bar. Kegs of beer and a cash bar are the norm. We most certainly had the wedding (Vegas with a reception at home for friends and family) we could afford. I most certainly could NOT afford to pay for alcohol for everyone. The bar was a part of the venue and would be there anyway.

I've never heard of "covering your plate" until the Dis. Of course you'll also see people in jeans at a reception.

Of course we also bring gifts and have a gift table at all weddings.

Regional/cultural norms are great, wouldn't it be boring if everything was the same everywhere? Financial differences also seem to be the biggest difference, to me anyway. A reception at the Elk's Lodge or Knights of Columbus Hall is far different than say the Brownstone!

I have to say it offends me to see so many say what I did for my wedding is tacky when it's the norm where we are concerned.


Cash bar at wedding question

We did a 90 minute cocktail hour, followed by free beer, wine on the tables, and free pop. Mixed drinks after the 90 minutes were cash bar.

It's just how it is done around here. I always know that if i am going to a wedding, I will be drinking keg beer that night b/c it's always free.

It's the same here in Central WI. Not having an open bar for the whole night is not considered tacky at all in our area.

Generally you can count on soda and beer to be free throughout the night.

Many will have an open bar before the meal and then a cash bar after the meal.

Some will have an open bar throughout the night

A few will have call drinks throughout the night, and not just rail drinks. Those are the 'fancy' weddings.

It's never on the invitation, but we know that we should bring money when going to a wedding, because we'll likely have to pay for our drinks for a portion of the evening.

Look at it this way, if I'm ever at an out of state wedding, you can come and ask me to spot you a $20 if it's a surprise cash bar.

Andtototoo

DIS Veteran

It's the same here in Central WI. Not having an open bar for the whole night is not considered tacky at all in our area.

Generally you can count on soda and beer to be free throughout the night.

Many will have an open bar before the meal and then a cash bar after the meal.

Some will have an open bar throughout the night

A few will have call drinks throughout the night, and not just rail drinks. Those are the 'fancy' weddings.

I lived in central WI for years and went to many weddings. They all had cash bars. For EVERY beverage. I never went to one wedding where soda and beer were available for free. The only free beverage was water.

I do have to say that was par for the course, however -- I never went to someone's house for a party that I wasn't told to bring my own beverages. And sometimes, my own meat and utensils for a barbeque. (I remember one time being invited to a picnic and being told that in addition to bringing myown blanket/chairs, I was also to bring my own beverages, cups and utensils. I remember it quite well because the host got quite angry with me because I brought disposable items. How dare I sully his picnic with my disposable stuff!) Most of the time, IME the host merely provides the location for a party.

Bettymae1121

DIS Veteran

The weddings I've been to have been a mix of open bar, limited open bar (free wine/beer/soft drinks only, mixed drinks guests pay for) and 100% cash bar with wine served at the dinner table. My own wedding was an open bar, but the cost for it (when compared to the total cost of the reception) wasn't a huge deal so we included it.

In any case, I go to weddings assuming it will be a cash bar, and if it turns out to be an open bar, hey all the better!

To answer the OP's question, if a cash bar is not the norm in your area, then yes I'd make a note on the reception card. I personally don't think a cash bar is tacky, but if it is considered tacky to have a cash bar, I think it's even MORE tacky not to let people know so they can plan ahead.

DIS Veteran<br><font color=teal>Needs to lay off t

What's all the fuss about booze at a reception anyway? If a person can't go a few hours without a drink, he/she must have a serious alcohol problem. I feel sorry for anyone who can't enjoy an evening out with friends and family without alcohol.


OK, not really, but I just thought I'd say it before someone else did. because you know it's only a matter of time

The Mystery Machine

Sunrise at my house. :+)

BadgerGirl84

I used to have a tag.

It's the same here in Central WI. Not having an open bar for the whole night is not considered tacky at all in our area.

Generally you can count on soda and beer to be free throughout the night.

Many will have an open bar before the meal and then a cash bar after the meal.

Some will have an open bar throughout the night

A few will have call drinks throughout the night, and not just rail drinks. Those are the 'fancy' weddings.

It's never on the invitation, but we know that we should bring money when going to a wedding, because we'll likely have to pay for our drinks for a portion of the evening.

Look at it this way, if I'm ever at an out of state wedding, you can come and ask me to spot you a $20 if it's a surprise cash bar.

Ditto. My experience as well living in Wisconsin.

I was thinking about my previous response earlier and I think that the OP should try to get the word out as much as possible that it's a cash bar, as it is not the norm in their area. I would also recommend trying to save elsewhere in the budget (cake, decor, etc.) to provide some type of alcohol as complimentary, even if it's only beer or a signature cocktail or even if it's only for a certain period of time. A cash bar IF IT'S NOT THE NORM IN YOUR AREA might rub people the wrong way.

Cornflake

DIS Veteran

I lived in central WI for years and went to many weddings. They all had cash bars. For EVERY beverage. I never went to one wedding where soda and beer were available for free. The only free beverage was water.

I do have to say that was par for the course, however -- I never went to someone's house for a party that I wasn't told to bring my own beverages. And sometimes, my own meat and utensils for a barbeque. (I remember one time being invited to a picnic and being told that in addition to bringing myown blanket/chairs, I was also to bring my own beverages, cups and utensils. I remember it quite well because the host got quite angry with me because I brought disposable items. How dare I sully his picnic with my disposable stuff!) Most of the time, IME the host merely provides the location for a party.

Where do you live, the land that kindergarten forgot? Some kind of OCD quarantine area? A facility for the terminally unsharing? That's just so far beyond. bring your own fancy booze to the party, maybe. Bring your own water? Bring your own soda? Bring your own chair?! Bring your own FORK?!

How is this a party? It's like refugees, gathering on someone's lawn.

DIS Veteran<br><font color=teal>Needs to lay off t

FireDancer

DIS Veteran

Really? I've been to parties where everyone was asked to bring a side but usually those are things like our end of year softball party or an annual Christmas dinner some friends and I have. In those situation the person hosting the party isn't really throwing it,they are just providing their house.

I also understand occasionally bringing some beer for a picnic or bonfire out of courtesy but I've never once been asked to bring my main course or non-alcoholic beverages.

Crjack

DIS Veteran

It definitely doesnt get any more expensive than NYC so I have always been surprised to see that open bar is the norm for that area.

I know previous threads on typical gifts (especially cash gifts and "covering the plate" posts) have always astounded some people so you really see some regional variances with wedding traditions.

I cant even imagine what the cost is for open bar at a typical hotel function room for say four hours with 150-200 guests but that leads into the size of a typical wedding, etc. which is filled with more differences!

For the poor couple getting married eloping is probably sounding pretty good right now!

Jrmasm

Last time I checked, it was still

What's all the fuss about booze at a reception anyway? If a person can't go a few hours without a drink, he/she must have a serious alcohol problem. I feel sorry for anyone who can't enjoy an evening out with friends and family without alcohol.


OK, not really, but I just thought I'd say it before someone else did. because you know it's only a matter of time

Tricia1972

<font color=green>I love late night snacks<br><fon

I lived in central WI for years and went to many weddings. They all had cash bars. For EVERY beverage. I never went to one wedding where soda and beer were available for free. The only free beverage was water.

I do have to say that was par for the course, however -- I never went to someone's house for a party that I wasn't told to bring my own beverages. And sometimes, my own meat and utensils for a barbeque. (I remember one time being invited to a picnic and being told that in addition to bringing myown blanket/chairs, I was also to bring my own beverages, cups and utensils. I remember it quite well because the host got quite angry with me because I brought disposable items. How dare I sully his picnic with my disposable stuff!) Most of the time, IME the host merely provides the location for a party.


That's not a problem. If I have to pay for my drinks, money is coming back out of the wedding card.

YIKES! I've never run into that in the area. Parties are generally hosted. Sometimes the host will just provide the main dish and everyone brings a dish to pass, but never to the extent that you described!

We must be from different parts of the area?

How long ago did you live in Central WI?

Bob NC

DIS Veteran<br><font color="red">I am a trained pr

Plannin'Shannon

No matter how your heart is grieving, if you keep

Bob NC

DIS Veteran<br><font color="red">I am a trained pr

Disykat

DIS Veteran

So, if people have to be notified of a cash bar so they can give the bride and groom less of a gift and use that money for drinks - what about dry weddings? Should that be in the invitation so people can give less money or stay home if they're not willing to go without alcohol?

To me, a cash bar would be the same as alcohol free since I probably wouldn't buy a drink.

Minnesota!

Shoeless in Minnesota

In response to the asking to bring your own beverage -

when we have a party (pretty dang often!), we let everyone know we will provide pop, water, and 1 or 2 kinds of beer. Anything beyond that, they need to bring their own.

Same for food. I do a main, a salad, an appetizer or 2. Everyone else pitches in.

It's just the way it's done here.

Amg35

DIS Veteran

So, if people have to be notified of a cash bar so they can give the bride and groom less of a gift and use that money for drinks - what about dry weddings? Should that be in the invitation so people can give less money or stay home if they're not willing to go without alcohol?

To me, a cash bar would be the same as alcohol free since I probably wouldn't by a drink.

Well, I didn't suggest it thinking people would give them less money! It was just because people will probably be caught off guard, and I just thought it was something you do. I've never planned a wedding and never been to one with a cash bar, so I didn't know it was tacky to include it in the invite.

No harm done, she'll make her own decision.

Although I do disagree with those who say they would be better off going dry. I guess because you think it's tacky, but tacky or not, if I'm going to the wedding, I want alcohol, even if I have to buy it!

Aprilgail2

Guest

Where do you live, the land that kindergarten forgot? Some kind of OCD quarantine area? A facility for the terminally unsharing? That's just so far beyond. bring your own fancy booze to the party, maybe. Bring your own water? Bring your own soda? Bring your own chair?! Bring your own FORK?!

How is this a party? It's like refugees, gathering on someone's lawn.

Malibuconlee

<font color=red>OOH - I think I've finally figured

These wedding threads are like train-wrecks. I always look, but they irritate the heck out of me. so many people putting down what others do.

I guess the majority of the Dis lives in/grew up in affluent areas. I most certainly did not. A very poor area. I've never been to a wedding with an open bar. Kegs of beer and a cash bar are the norm. We most certainly had the wedding (Vegas with a reception at home for friends and family) we could afford. I most certainly could NOT afford to pay for alcohol for everyone. The bar was a part of the venue and would be there anyway.

I've never heard of "covering your plate" until the Dis. Of course you'll also see people in jeans at a reception.

Of course we also bring gifts and have a gift table at all weddings.

Regional/cultural norms are great, wouldn't it be boring if everything was the same everywhere? Financial differences also seem to be the biggest difference, to me anyway. A reception at the Elk's Lodge or Knights of Columbus Hall is far different than say the Brownstone!

I have to say it offends me to see so many say what I did for my wedding is tacky when it's the norm where we are concerned.


Cash bar at wedding question

We did a 90 minute cocktail hour, followed by free beer, wine on the tables, and free pop. Mixed drinks after the 90 minutes were cash bar.

It's just how it is done around here. I always know that if i am going to a wedding, I will be drinking keg beer that night b/c it's always free.

It's the same here in Central WI. Not having an open bar for the whole night is not considered tacky at all in our area.

Generally you can count on soda and beer to be free throughout the night.

Many will have an open bar before the meal and then a cash bar after the meal.

Some will have an open bar throughout the night

A few will have call drinks throughout the night, and not just rail drinks. Those are the 'fancy' weddings.

It's never on the invitation, but we know that we should bring money when going to a wedding, because we'll likely have to pay for our drinks for a portion of the evening.

Look at it this way, if I'm ever at an out of state wedding, you can come and ask me to spot you a $20 if it's a surprise cash bar.

Andtototoo

DIS Veteran

It's the same here in Central WI. Not having an open bar for the whole night is not considered tacky at all in our area.

Generally you can count on soda and beer to be free throughout the night.

Many will have an open bar before the meal and then a cash bar after the meal.

Some will have an open bar throughout the night

A few will have call drinks throughout the night, and not just rail drinks. Those are the 'fancy' weddings.

I lived in central WI for years and went to many weddings. They all had cash bars. For EVERY beverage. I never went to one wedding where soda and beer were available for free. The only free beverage was water.

I do have to say that was par for the course, however -- I never went to someone's house for a party that I wasn't told to bring my own beverages. And sometimes, my own meat and utensils for a barbeque. (I remember one time being invited to a picnic and being told that in addition to bringing myown blanket/chairs, I was also to bring my own beverages, cups and utensils. I remember it quite well because the host got quite angry with me because I brought disposable items. How dare I sully his picnic with my disposable stuff!) Most of the time, IME the host merely provides the location for a party.

Bettymae1121

DIS Veteran

The weddings I've been to have been a mix of open bar, limited open bar (free wine/beer/soft drinks only, mixed drinks guests pay for) and 100% cash bar with wine served at the dinner table. My own wedding was an open bar, but the cost for it (when compared to the total cost of the reception) wasn't a huge deal so we included it.

In any case, I go to weddings assuming it will be a cash bar, and if it turns out to be an open bar, hey all the better!

To answer the OP's question, if a cash bar is not the norm in your area, then yes I'd make a note on the reception card. I personally don't think a cash bar is tacky, but if it is considered tacky to have a cash bar, I think it's even MORE tacky not to let people know so they can plan ahead.

DIS Veteran<br><font color=teal>Needs to lay off t

What's all the fuss about booze at a reception anyway? If a person can't go a few hours without a drink, he/she must have a serious alcohol problem. I feel sorry for anyone who can't enjoy an evening out with friends and family without alcohol.


OK, not really, but I just thought I'd say it before someone else did. because you know it's only a matter of time

The Mystery Machine

Sunrise at my house. :+)

BadgerGirl84

I used to have a tag.

It's the same here in Central WI. Not having an open bar for the whole night is not considered tacky at all in our area.

Generally you can count on soda and beer to be free throughout the night.

Many will have an open bar before the meal and then a cash bar after the meal.

Some will have an open bar throughout the night

A few will have call drinks throughout the night, and not just rail drinks. Those are the 'fancy' weddings.

It's never on the invitation, but we know that we should bring money when going to a wedding, because we'll likely have to pay for our drinks for a portion of the evening.

Look at it this way, if I'm ever at an out of state wedding, you can come and ask me to spot you a $20 if it's a surprise cash bar.

Ditto. My experience as well living in Wisconsin.

I was thinking about my previous response earlier and I think that the OP should try to get the word out as much as possible that it's a cash bar, as it is not the norm in their area. I would also recommend trying to save elsewhere in the budget (cake, decor, etc.) to provide some type of alcohol as complimentary, even if it's only beer or a signature cocktail or even if it's only for a certain period of time. A cash bar IF IT'S NOT THE NORM IN YOUR AREA might rub people the wrong way.

Cornflake

DIS Veteran

I lived in central WI for years and went to many weddings. They all had cash bars. For EVERY beverage. I never went to one wedding where soda and beer were available for free. The only free beverage was water.

I do have to say that was par for the course, however -- I never went to someone's house for a party that I wasn't told to bring my own beverages. And sometimes, my own meat and utensils for a barbeque. (I remember one time being invited to a picnic and being told that in addition to bringing myown blanket/chairs, I was also to bring my own beverages, cups and utensils. I remember it quite well because the host got quite angry with me because I brought disposable items. How dare I sully his picnic with my disposable stuff!) Most of the time, IME the host merely provides the location for a party.

Where do you live, the land that kindergarten forgot? Some kind of OCD quarantine area? A facility for the terminally unsharing? That's just so far beyond. bring your own fancy booze to the party, maybe. Bring your own water? Bring your own soda? Bring your own chair?! Bring your own FORK?!

How is this a party? It's like refugees, gathering on someone's lawn.

DIS Veteran<br><font color=teal>Needs to lay off t

FireDancer

DIS Veteran

Really? I've been to parties where everyone was asked to bring a side but usually those are things like our end of year softball party or an annual Christmas dinner some friends and I have. In those situation the person hosting the party isn't really throwing it,they are just providing their house.

I also understand occasionally bringing some beer for a picnic or bonfire out of courtesy but I've never once been asked to bring my main course or non-alcoholic beverages.

Crjack

DIS Veteran

It definitely doesnt get any more expensive than NYC so I have always been surprised to see that open bar is the norm for that area.

I know previous threads on typical gifts (especially cash gifts and "covering the plate" posts) have always astounded some people so you really see some regional variances with wedding traditions.

I cant even imagine what the cost is for open bar at a typical hotel function room for say four hours with 150-200 guests but that leads into the size of a typical wedding, etc. which is filled with more differences!

For the poor couple getting married eloping is probably sounding pretty good right now!

Jrmasm

Last time I checked, it was still

What's all the fuss about booze at a reception anyway? If a person can't go a few hours without a drink, he/she must have a serious alcohol problem. I feel sorry for anyone who can't enjoy an evening out with friends and family without alcohol.


OK, not really, but I just thought I'd say it before someone else did. because you know it's only a matter of time

Tricia1972

<font color=green>I love late night snacks<br><fon

I lived in central WI for years and went to many weddings. They all had cash bars. For EVERY beverage. I never went to one wedding where soda and beer were available for free. The only free beverage was water.

I do have to say that was par for the course, however -- I never went to someone's house for a party that I wasn't told to bring my own beverages. And sometimes, my own meat and utensils for a barbeque. (I remember one time being invited to a picnic and being told that in addition to bringing myown blanket/chairs, I was also to bring my own beverages, cups and utensils. I remember it quite well because the host got quite angry with me because I brought disposable items. How dare I sully his picnic with my disposable stuff!) Most of the time, IME the host merely provides the location for a party.


That's not a problem. If I have to pay for my drinks, money is coming back out of the wedding card.

YIKES! I've never run into that in the area. Parties are generally hosted. Sometimes the host will just provide the main dish and everyone brings a dish to pass, but never to the extent that you described!

We must be from different parts of the area?

How long ago did you live in Central WI?

Bob NC

DIS Veteran<br><font color="red">I am a trained pr

Plannin'Shannon

No matter how your heart is grieving, if you keep

Bob NC

DIS Veteran<br><font color="red">I am a trained pr

Disykat

DIS Veteran

So, if people have to be notified of a cash bar so they can give the bride and groom less of a gift and use that money for drinks - what about dry weddings? Should that be in the invitation so people can give less money or stay home if they're not willing to go without alcohol?

To me, a cash bar would be the same as alcohol free since I probably wouldn't buy a drink.

Minnesota!

Shoeless in Minnesota

In response to the asking to bring your own beverage -

when we have a party (pretty dang often!), we let everyone know we will provide pop, water, and 1 or 2 kinds of beer. Anything beyond that, they need to bring their own.

Same for food. I do a main, a salad, an appetizer or 2. Everyone else pitches in.

It's just the way it's done here.

Amg35

DIS Veteran

So, if people have to be notified of a cash bar so they can give the bride and groom less of a gift and use that money for drinks - what about dry weddings? Should that be in the invitation so people can give less money or stay home if they're not willing to go without alcohol?

To me, a cash bar would be the same as alcohol free since I probably wouldn't by a drink.

Well, I didn't suggest it thinking people would give them less money! It was just because people will probably be caught off guard, and I just thought it was something you do. I've never planned a wedding and never been to one with a cash bar, so I didn't know it was tacky to include it in the invite.

No harm done, she'll make her own decision.

Although I do disagree with those who say they would be better off going dry. I guess because you think it's tacky, but tacky or not, if I'm going to the wedding, I want alcohol, even if I have to buy it!

Aprilgail2

Guest

Where do you live, the land that kindergarten forgot? Some kind of OCD quarantine area? A facility for the terminally unsharing? That's just so far beyond. bring your own fancy booze to the party, maybe. Bring your own water? Bring your own soda? Bring your own chair?! Bring your own FORK?!

How is this a party? It's like refugees, gathering on someone's lawn.

Malibuconlee

<font color=red>OOH - I think I've finally figured

These wedding threads are like train-wrecks. I always look, but they irritate the heck out of me. so many people putting down what others do.

I guess the majority of the Dis lives in/grew up in affluent areas. I most certainly did not. A very poor area. I've never been to a wedding with an open bar. Kegs of beer and a cash bar are the norm. We most certainly had the wedding (Vegas with a reception at home for friends and family) we could afford. I most certainly could NOT afford to pay for alcohol for everyone. The bar was a part of the venue and would be there anyway.

I've never heard of "covering your plate" until the Dis. Of course you'll also see people in jeans at a reception.

Of course we also bring gifts and have a gift table at all weddings.

Regional/cultural norms are great, wouldn't it be boring if everything was the same everywhere? Financial differences also seem to be the biggest difference, to me anyway. A reception at the Elk's Lodge or Knights of Columbus Hall is far different than say the Brownstone!

I have to say it offends me to see so many say what I did for my wedding is tacky when it's the norm where we are concerned.


Cash bar at wedding question

We did a 90 minute cocktail hour, followed by free beer, wine on the tables, and free pop. Mixed drinks after the 90 minutes were cash bar.

It's just how it is done around here. I always know that if i am going to a wedding, I will be drinking keg beer that night b/c it's always free.

It's the same here in Central WI. Not having an open bar for the whole night is not considered tacky at all in our area.

Generally you can count on soda and beer to be free throughout the night.

Many will have an open bar before the meal and then a cash bar after the meal.

Some will have an open bar throughout the night

A few will have call drinks throughout the night, and not just rail drinks. Those are the 'fancy' weddings.

It's never on the invitation, but we know that we should bring money when going to a wedding, because we'll likely have to pay for our drinks for a portion of the evening.

Look at it this way, if I'm ever at an out of state wedding, you can come and ask me to spot you a $20 if it's a surprise cash bar.

Andtototoo

DIS Veteran

It's the same here in Central WI. Not having an open bar for the whole night is not considered tacky at all in our area.

Generally you can count on soda and beer to be free throughout the night.

Many will have an open bar before the meal and then a cash bar after the meal.

Some will have an open bar throughout the night

A few will have call drinks throughout the night, and not just rail drinks. Those are the 'fancy' weddings.

I lived in central WI for years and went to many weddings. They all had cash bars. For EVERY beverage. I never went to one wedding where soda and beer were available for free. The only free beverage was water.

I do have to say that was par for the course, however -- I never went to someone's house for a party that I wasn't told to bring my own beverages. And sometimes, my own meat and utensils for a barbeque. (I remember one time being invited to a picnic and being told that in addition to bringing myown blanket/chairs, I was also to bring my own beverages, cups and utensils. I remember it quite well because the host got quite angry with me because I brought disposable items. How dare I sully his picnic with my disposable stuff!) Most of the time, IME the host merely provides the location for a party.

Bettymae1121

DIS Veteran

The weddings I've been to have been a mix of open bar, limited open bar (free wine/beer/soft drinks only, mixed drinks guests pay for) and 100% cash bar with wine served at the dinner table. My own wedding was an open bar, but the cost for it (when compared to the total cost of the reception) wasn't a huge deal so we included it.

In any case, I go to weddings assuming it will be a cash bar, and if it turns out to be an open bar, hey all the better!

To answer the OP's question, if a cash bar is not the norm in your area, then yes I'd make a note on the reception card. I personally don't think a cash bar is tacky, but if it is considered tacky to have a cash bar, I think it's even MORE tacky not to let people know so they can plan ahead.

DIS Veteran<br><font color=teal>Needs to lay off t

What's all the fuss about booze at a reception anyway? If a person can't go a few hours without a drink, he/she must have a serious alcohol problem. I feel sorry for anyone who can't enjoy an evening out with friends and family without alcohol.


OK, not really, but I just thought I'd say it before someone else did. because you know it's only a matter of time

The Mystery Machine

Sunrise at my house. :+)

BadgerGirl84

I used to have a tag.

It's the same here in Central WI. Not having an open bar for the whole night is not considered tacky at all in our area.

Generally you can count on soda and beer to be free throughout the night.

Many will have an open bar before the meal and then a cash bar after the meal.

Some will have an open bar throughout the night

A few will have call drinks throughout the night, and not just rail drinks. Those are the 'fancy' weddings.

It's never on the invitation, but we know that we should bring money when going to a wedding, because we'll likely have to pay for our drinks for a portion of the evening.

Look at it this way, if I'm ever at an out of state wedding, you can come and ask me to spot you a $20 if it's a surprise cash bar.

Ditto. My experience as well living in Wisconsin.

I was thinking about my previous response earlier and I think that the OP should try to get the word out as much as possible that it's a cash bar, as it is not the norm in their area. I would also recommend trying to save elsewhere in the budget (cake, decor, etc.) to provide some type of alcohol as complimentary, even if it's only beer or a signature cocktail or even if it's only for a certain period of time. A cash bar IF IT'S NOT THE NORM IN YOUR AREA might rub people the wrong way.

Cornflake

DIS Veteran

I lived in central WI for years and went to many weddings. They all had cash bars. For EVERY beverage. I never went to one wedding where soda and beer were available for free. The only free beverage was water.

I do have to say that was par for the course, however -- I never went to someone's house for a party that I wasn't told to bring my own beverages. And sometimes, my own meat and utensils for a barbeque. (I remember one time being invited to a picnic and being told that in addition to bringing myown blanket/chairs, I was also to bring my own beverages, cups and utensils. I remember it quite well because the host got quite angry with me because I brought disposable items. How dare I sully his picnic with my disposable stuff!) Most of the time, IME the host merely provides the location for a party.

Where do you live, the land that kindergarten forgot? Some kind of OCD quarantine area? A facility for the terminally unsharing? That's just so far beyond. bring your own fancy booze to the party, maybe. Bring your own water? Bring your own soda? Bring your own chair?! Bring your own FORK?!

How is this a party? It's like refugees, gathering on someone's lawn.

DIS Veteran<br><font color=teal>Needs to lay off t

FireDancer

DIS Veteran

Really? I've been to parties where everyone was asked to bring a side but usually those are things like our end of year softball party or an annual Christmas dinner some friends and I have. In those situation the person hosting the party isn't really throwing it,they are just providing their house.

I also understand occasionally bringing some beer for a picnic or bonfire out of courtesy but I've never once been asked to bring my main course or non-alcoholic beverages.

Crjack

DIS Veteran

It definitely doesnt get any more expensive than NYC so I have always been surprised to see that open bar is the norm for that area.

I know previous threads on typical gifts (especially cash gifts and "covering the plate" posts) have always astounded some people so you really see some regional variances with wedding traditions.

I cant even imagine what the cost is for open bar at a typical hotel function room for say four hours with 150-200 guests but that leads into the size of a typical wedding, etc. which is filled with more differences!

For the poor couple getting married eloping is probably sounding pretty good right now!

Jrmasm

Last time I checked, it was still

What's all the fuss about booze at a reception anyway? If a person can't go a few hours without a drink, he/she must have a serious alcohol problem. I feel sorry for anyone who can't enjoy an evening out with friends and family without alcohol.


OK, not really, but I just thought I'd say it before someone else did. because you know it's only a matter of time

Tricia1972

<font color=green>I love late night snacks<br><fon

I lived in central WI for years and went to many weddings. They all had cash bars. For EVERY beverage. I never went to one wedding where soda and beer were available for free. The only free beverage was water.

I do have to say that was par for the course, however -- I never went to someone's house for a party that I wasn't told to bring my own beverages. And sometimes, my own meat and utensils for a barbeque. (I remember one time being invited to a picnic and being told that in addition to bringing myown blanket/chairs, I was also to bring my own beverages, cups and utensils. I remember it quite well because the host got quite angry with me because I brought disposable items. How dare I sully his picnic with my disposable stuff!) Most of the time, IME the host merely provides the location for a party.


That's not a problem. If I have to pay for my drinks, money is coming back out of the wedding card.

YIKES! I've never run into that in the area. Parties are generally hosted. Sometimes the host will just provide the main dish and everyone brings a dish to pass, but never to the extent that you described!

We must be from different parts of the area?

How long ago did you live in Central WI?

Bob NC

DIS Veteran<br><font color="red">I am a trained pr

Plannin'Shannon

No matter how your heart is grieving, if you keep

Bob NC

DIS Veteran<br><font color="red">I am a trained pr

Disykat

DIS Veteran

So, if people have to be notified of a cash bar so they can give the bride and groom less of a gift and use that money for drinks - what about dry weddings? Should that be in the invitation so people can give less money or stay home if they're not willing to go without alcohol?

To me, a cash bar would be the same as alcohol free since I probably wouldn't buy a drink.

Minnesota!

Shoeless in Minnesota

In response to the asking to bring your own beverage -

when we have a party (pretty dang often!), we let everyone know we will provide pop, water, and 1 or 2 kinds of beer. Anything beyond that, they need to bring their own.

Same for food. I do a main, a salad, an appetizer or 2. Everyone else pitches in.

It's just the way it's done here.

Amg35

DIS Veteran

So, if people have to be notified of a cash bar so they can give the bride and groom less of a gift and use that money for drinks - what about dry weddings? Should that be in the invitation so people can give less money or stay home if they're not willing to go without alcohol?

To me, a cash bar would be the same as alcohol free since I probably wouldn't by a drink.

Well, I didn't suggest it thinking people would give them less money! It was just because people will probably be caught off guard, and I just thought it was something you do. I've never planned a wedding and never been to one with a cash bar, so I didn't know it was tacky to include it in the invite.

No harm done, she'll make her own decision.

Although I do disagree with those who say they would be better off going dry. I guess because you think it's tacky, but tacky or not, if I'm going to the wedding, I want alcohol, even if I have to buy it!

Aprilgail2

Guest

Where do you live, the land that kindergarten forgot? Some kind of OCD quarantine area? A facility for the terminally unsharing? That's just so far beyond. bring your own fancy booze to the party, maybe. Bring your own water? Bring your own soda? Bring your own chair?! Bring your own FORK?!

How is this a party? It's like refugees, gathering on someone's lawn.

Malibuconlee

<font color=red>OOH - I think I've finally figured

These wedding threads are like train-wrecks. I always look, but they irritate the heck out of me. so many people putting down what others do.

I guess the majority of the Dis lives in/grew up in affluent areas. I most certainly did not. A very poor area. I've never been to a wedding with an open bar. Kegs of beer and a cash bar are the norm. We most certainly had the wedding (Vegas with a reception at home for friends and family) we could afford. I most certainly could NOT afford to pay for alcohol for everyone. The bar was a part of the venue and would be there anyway.

I've never heard of "covering your plate" until the Dis. Of course you'll also see people in jeans at a reception.

Of course we also bring gifts and have a gift table at all weddings.

Regional/cultural norms are great, wouldn't it be boring if everything was the same everywhere? Financial differences also seem to be the biggest difference, to me anyway. A reception at the Elk's Lodge or Knights of Columbus Hall is far different than say the Brownstone!

I have to say it offends me to see so many say what I did for my wedding is tacky when it's the norm where we are concerned.


Cash bar at wedding question

We did a 90 minute cocktail hour, followed by free beer, wine on the tables, and free pop. Mixed drinks after the 90 minutes were cash bar.

It's just how it is done around here. I always know that if i am going to a wedding, I will be drinking keg beer that night b/c it's always free.

It's the same here in Central WI. Not having an open bar for the whole night is not considered tacky at all in our area.

Generally you can count on soda and beer to be free throughout the night.

Many will have an open bar before the meal and then a cash bar after the meal.

Some will have an open bar throughout the night

A few will have call drinks throughout the night, and not just rail drinks. Those are the 'fancy' weddings.

It's never on the invitation, but we know that we should bring money when going to a wedding, because we'll likely have to pay for our drinks for a portion of the evening.

Look at it this way, if I'm ever at an out of state wedding, you can come and ask me to spot you a $20 if it's a surprise cash bar.

Andtototoo

DIS Veteran

It's the same here in Central WI. Not having an open bar for the whole night is not considered tacky at all in our area.

Generally you can count on soda and beer to be free throughout the night.

Many will have an open bar before the meal and then a cash bar after the meal.

Some will have an open bar throughout the night

A few will have call drinks throughout the night, and not just rail drinks. Those are the 'fancy' weddings.

I lived in central WI for years and went to many weddings. They all had cash bars. For EVERY beverage. I never went to one wedding where soda and beer were available for free. The only free beverage was water.

I do have to say that was par for the course, however -- I never went to someone's house for a party that I wasn't told to bring my own beverages. And sometimes, my own meat and utensils for a barbeque. (I remember one time being invited to a picnic and being told that in addition to bringing myown blanket/chairs, I was also to bring my own beverages, cups and utensils. I remember it quite well because the host got quite angry with me because I brought disposable items. How dare I sully his picnic with my disposable stuff!) Most of the time, IME the host merely provides the location for a party.

Bettymae1121

DIS Veteran

The weddings I've been to have been a mix of open bar, limited open bar (free wine/beer/soft drinks only, mixed drinks guests pay for) and 100% cash bar with wine served at the dinner table. My own wedding was an open bar, but the cost for it (when compared to the total cost of the reception) wasn't a huge deal so we included it.

In any case, I go to weddings assuming it will be a cash bar, and if it turns out to be an open bar, hey all the better!

To answer the OP's question, if a cash bar is not the norm in your area, then yes I'd make a note on the reception card. I personally don't think a cash bar is tacky, but if it is considered tacky to have a cash bar, I think it's even MORE tacky not to let people know so they can plan ahead.

DIS Veteran<br><font color=teal>Needs to lay off t

What's all the fuss about booze at a reception anyway? If a person can't go a few hours without a drink, he/she must have a serious alcohol problem. I feel sorry for anyone who can't enjoy an evening out with friends and family without alcohol.


OK, not really, but I just thought I'd say it before someone else did. because you know it's only a matter of time

The Mystery Machine

Sunrise at my house. :+)

BadgerGirl84

I used to have a tag.

It's the same here in Central WI. Not having an open bar for the whole night is not considered tacky at all in our area.

Generally you can count on soda and beer to be free throughout the night.

Many will have an open bar before the meal and then a cash bar after the meal.

Some will have an open bar throughout the night

A few will have call drinks throughout the night, and not just rail drinks. Those are the 'fancy' weddings.

It's never on the invitation, but we know that we should bring money when going to a wedding, because we'll likely have to pay for our drinks for a portion of the evening.

Look at it this way, if I'm ever at an out of state wedding, you can come and ask me to spot you a $20 if it's a surprise cash bar.

Ditto. My experience as well living in Wisconsin.

I was thinking about my previous response earlier and I think that the OP should try to get the word out as much as possible that it's a cash bar, as it is not the norm in their area. I would also recommend trying to save elsewhere in the budget (cake, decor, etc.) to provide some type of alcohol as complimentary, even if it's only beer or a signature cocktail or even if it's only for a certain period of time. A cash bar IF IT'S NOT THE NORM IN YOUR AREA might rub people the wrong way.

Cornflake

DIS Veteran

I lived in central WI for years and went to many weddings. They all had cash bars. For EVERY beverage. I never went to one wedding where soda and beer were available for free. The only free beverage was water.

I do have to say that was par for the course, however -- I never went to someone's house for a party that I wasn't told to bring my own beverages. And sometimes, my own meat and utensils for a barbeque. (I remember one time being invited to a picnic and being told that in addition to bringing myown blanket/chairs, I was also to bring my own beverages, cups and utensils. I remember it quite well because the host got quite angry with me because I brought disposable items. How dare I sully his picnic with my disposable stuff!) Most of the time, IME the host merely provides the location for a party.

Where do you live, the land that kindergarten forgot? Some kind of OCD quarantine area? A facility for the terminally unsharing? That's just so far beyond. bring your own fancy booze to the party, maybe. Bring your own water? Bring your own soda? Bring your own chair?! Bring your own FORK?!

How is this a party? It's like refugees, gathering on someone's lawn.

DIS Veteran<br><font color=teal>Needs to lay off t

FireDancer

DIS Veteran

Really? I've been to parties where everyone was asked to bring a side but usually those are things like our end of year softball party or an annual Christmas dinner some friends and I have. In those situation the person hosting the party isn't really throwing it,they are just providing their house.

I also understand occasionally bringing some beer for a picnic or bonfire out of courtesy but I've never once been asked to bring my main course or non-alcoholic beverages.

Crjack

DIS Veteran

It definitely doesnt get any more expensive than NYC so I have always been surprised to see that open bar is the norm for that area.

I know previous threads on typical gifts (especially cash gifts and "covering the plate" posts) have always astounded some people so you really see some regional variances with wedding traditions.

I cant even imagine what the cost is for open bar at a typical hotel function room for say four hours with 150-200 guests but that leads into the size of a typical wedding, etc. which is filled with more differences!

For the poor couple getting married eloping is probably sounding pretty good right now!

Jrmasm

Last time I checked, it was still

What's all the fuss about booze at a reception anyway? If a person can't go a few hours without a drink, he/she must have a serious alcohol problem. I feel sorry for anyone who can't enjoy an evening out with friends and family without alcohol.


OK, not really, but I just thought I'd say it before someone else did. because you know it's only a matter of time

Tricia1972

<font color=green>I love late night snacks<br><fon

I lived in central WI for years and went to many weddings. They all had cash bars. For EVERY beverage. I never went to one wedding where soda and beer were available for free. The only free beverage was water.

I do have to say that was par for the course, however -- I never went to someone's house for a party that I wasn't told to bring my own beverages. And sometimes, my own meat and utensils for a barbeque. (I remember one time being invited to a picnic and being told that in addition to bringing myown blanket/chairs, I was also to bring my own beverages, cups and utensils. I remember it quite well because the host got quite angry with me because I brought disposable items. How dare I sully his picnic with my disposable stuff!) Most of the time, IME the host merely provides the location for a party.


That's not a problem. If I have to pay for my drinks, money is coming back out of the wedding card.

YIKES! I've never run into that in the area. Parties are generally hosted. Sometimes the host will just provide the main dish and everyone brings a dish to pass, but never to the extent that you described!

We must be from different parts of the area?

How long ago did you live in Central WI?

Bob NC

DIS Veteran<br><font color="red">I am a trained pr

Plannin'Shannon

No matter how your heart is grieving, if you keep

Bob NC

DIS Veteran<br><font color="red">I am a trained pr

Disykat

DIS Veteran

So, if people have to be notified of a cash bar so they can give the bride and groom less of a gift and use that money for drinks - what about dry weddings? Should that be in the invitation so people can give less money or stay home if they're not willing to go without alcohol?

To me, a cash bar would be the same as alcohol free since I probably wouldn't buy a drink.

Minnesota!

Shoeless in Minnesota

In response to the asking to bring your own beverage -

when we have a party (pretty dang often!), we let everyone know we will provide pop, water, and 1 or 2 kinds of beer. Anything beyond that, they need to bring their own.

Same for food. I do a main, a salad, an appetizer or 2. Everyone else pitches in.

It's just the way it's done here.

Amg35

DIS Veteran

So, if people have to be notified of a cash bar so they can give the bride and groom less of a gift and use that money for drinks - what about dry weddings? Should that be in the invitation so people can give less money or stay home if they're not willing to go without alcohol?

To me, a cash bar would be the same as alcohol free since I probably wouldn't by a drink.

Well, I didn't suggest it thinking people would give them less money! It was just because people will probably be caught off guard, and I just thought it was something you do. I've never planned a wedding and never been to one with a cash bar, so I didn't know it was tacky to include it in the invite.

No harm done, she'll make her own decision.

Although I do disagree with those who say they would be better off going dry. I guess because you think it's tacky, but tacky or not, if I'm going to the wedding, I want alcohol, even if I have to buy it!

Aprilgail2

Guest

Where do you live, the land that kindergarten forgot? Some kind of OCD quarantine area? A facility for the terminally unsharing? That's just so far beyond. bring your own fancy booze to the party, maybe. Bring your own water? Bring your own soda? Bring your own chair?! Bring your own FORK?!

How is this a party? It's like refugees, gathering on someone's lawn.

Malibuconlee

<font color=red>OOH - I think I've finally figured

These wedding threads are like train-wrecks. I always look, but they irritate the heck out of me. so many people putting down what others do.

I guess the majority of the Dis lives in/grew up in affluent areas. I most certainly did not. A very poor area. I've never been to a wedding with an open bar. Kegs of beer and a cash bar are the norm. We most certainly had the wedding (Vegas with a reception at home for friends and family) we could afford. I most certainly could NOT afford to pay for alcohol for everyone. The bar was a part of the venue and would be there anyway.

I've never heard of "covering your plate" until the Dis. Of course you'll also see people in jeans at a reception.

Of course we also bring gifts and have a gift table at all weddings.

Regional/cultural norms are great, wouldn't it be boring if everything was the same everywhere? Financial differences also seem to be the biggest difference, to me anyway. A reception at the Elk's Lodge or Knights of Columbus Hall is far different than say the Brownstone!

I have to say it offends me to see so many say what I did for my wedding is tacky when it's the norm where we are concerned.


Watch the video: This is CS50 AP (December 2021).